Facing Mortality

A sermon delivered at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation (Blacksburg, VA), November 16, 2008, by UUC member Isabel Berney as part of a service on the UUC Memorial Garden.

Six years ago, some of us who were interested in end-of-life issues thought it would be nice for our congregation to have a memorial garden as many UU congregations and other churches have. We set up a memorial garden committee and received Board approval and encouragement to begin the planning process. Some of you may remember that we had a Sunday service explaining what a memorial garden could be and there was general enthusiasm and support for the idea.

Just as we began to move forward, the building expansion plan developed. Then we acquired the big piece of land that was the Gross property, and began a capital campaign. The memorial garden committee was asked to suspend work as we poured all our energies into building the new space. Now, like the phoenix, the committee is resurrected and hard at work once more.

What is a memorial garden and why would we want it?

People have a deep need to remember, to honor and to record our existence, our passing from this place, and to establish a legacy for those we leave behind.

A memorial garden would be a spot on our grounds for contemplation, meditation, and a place to memorialize and honor individuals. We propose having a columbarium where cremated remains could be placed, a memorial wall for plaques honoring people, an area to scatter ashes, a garden plan that would allow gifts of trees and plants in honor of loved ones.

Over the years, our building and grounds have received such memorials, but it is often hard to know just where and what they are. For instance, this chalice has an inscription,

“In grateful recognition of Hershel A. Elarth for 30 years of service and support of this fellowship. April 26, 1982.”

That was presented on the 30^th anniversary of our founding. This is the same Hershel Elarth for whom Elarth Hall, the room behind us, is named. He was one of our founders here in Blacksburg. He had the vision of expansion and growth of our congregation and he gave his time, talent, and money to see it happen.

Some other memorials I want to point out to those who may not know. Our fine piano is a memorial to Bob Underhill, given by his family in memory of him and his love for music. Bob was instrumental in starting our choir.

Look in your hymn books. Almost all of them have a book plate which tells they were purchased in honor of someone. There is one in honor of Morton Nadler’s 80^th birthday given by the Women’s Breakfast Group. About 80 of the books are in memory of my first husband, Donald Berney. Scott and Elaine Myers donated about 50 hymnals as a matching challenge when we moved into this new space. Every Sunday I check my hymnal to see who is honored by it. It always gives me a sense of connection to that person. One of the hymnals is in honor of our household feline companions – Hansel and Gretel.

The chalice window located by our handicapped entrance is also in memory of Donald Berney. The willow trees behind me were given in honor of people, one for the 13^th birthday of a boy by his mother who was active in the congregation. That family moved soon after that gift was made, but his tree remains and those of us who knew them look out at it every Sunday have fond memories of him and his family. Many of our Religious Education library books were donated in honor of individuals.

A sourwood tree to the right of the handicapped entrance is in memory of Dan Taylor’s mother. Fringe bushes that line the steps from the parking lot were planted to celebrate the marriage of two of our members. Many other of our plantings are similar memorials. A memorial garden would be a way of making such memorials part of our institutional memory rather than relying on those of us who are still around to relate their stories.

Most of us want to be good stewards of the earth. Many of us feel cremation is an alternative, but what to do with the cremated remains? Some of our members have wished for a spot to lay their loved one’s ashes. A columbarium provides this. As you get coffee today, stop and look at the display we have that shows some of the columbarium designs we are exploring. These are purchased in modules so that our columbarium can expand as the need increases.

Our memorial garden will need to be self-sustaining, but it is also the perfect place for memorial gifts and endowments. Columbarium and niches, as well as memorial plaques will be sold to our members and friends and those funds will provide for care and a record archive of memorial gifts.

The memorial garden committee will be distributing a survey to the congregation. Please pick up a copy after the survey. An electric copy will be available on line. There is a link on the website and we’ll send out the URL to all on our UUC list. We hope each of you will take the time to give us your input. It will really help us planning the space.

There is a human need for looking beyond what seems to be the finality of death. Even those of us who are convinced there is absolutely nothing after this life, concede there is a wish to record the event. There is often a desire to honor, and there is a longing to remember and be remembered.

It is our connection to this community – our chosen family, that calls us to provide a memorial to those who hold a special place in our hearts and lives.

We hope this service will be the impetus to start a discussion in your family to let your loved ones know what you want. As Victor said, it is important to have some of this written down and have a copy of your wishes in the file Chris maintains.

An advanced medical directive form is also available for you to pick up during the coffee hour. Remember that this form is only good if it is filled in and placed where your agent knows where it is. Having a conversation with your family is the first step, making plans for the inevitable is an important next step. Remember that death can happen at any age, as our experience with the tragedy at Virginia Tech made clear.

Facing the inevitable, sharing your wishes with your loved ones and this community can help us all find a way to honor and remember those we love.